Years ago I was in a car accident: 60 miles an hour, head-on. In between knowing we were going to hit and hitting—a nanosecond—some wise or fearful part of me left my body and went someplace else. Just before the impact pulled me back, a voice came into me. It said, “The only reason you are in this life is to learn to love.”

The next few years were difficult, but something inside of me was shifting away from chronic self-absorption. I took a one-hour introductory class in active listening and discovered that learning to listen was to be my vehicle. Learning to listen has required me to negotiate my inner self, my habits and unconscious ways of being, my selfishness, my blindsides. It required that I recognize when it is time to put myself aside for the sake of another, to serve that person, to listen, to love that person into being the best they can be. I was called to help as many people learn to listen deeply to others in this way.

“When we listen, we offer the other our full attention; we become patient, present, centered, humble. When we listen deeply we enter into a new relationship with others, and with ourselves. We get invited into the inner rooms of a person’s life if we listen well; to listen well we have to get in touch with our own inner rooms.”

For years I filled notebooks with experiments: I figured out what it took to be present, to allow for silence, to attend to unhelpful habits; I unpacked various dynamics of conversation, different ways to let someone know they were heard, soft ways to aim powerful questions, what different body postures said; I reflected profoundly on what happened when I allowed the deep well of silence, and what wisdom came up from the bottom of it. 

Teaching is my art form, so it was only natural that these notebooks eventually turned into curriculum. I created opportunities to teach wherever I could, beginning with simple 10-minute listening warm-ups and evolving into my present 8-hour, 4-week listening class. Over the years I have taught over 15,000 people how to listen in classrooms, corporate offices, libraries, prisons, city streets, back rooms, playgrounds.

When we listen, we offer the other our full attention; we become patient, present, centered, humble. When we listen deeply we enter into a new relationship with others, and with ourselves. We get invited into the inner rooms of a person’s life if we listen well; to listen well we have to get in touch with our own inner rooms. I have come to think of listening as social meditation. As with meditation, we eventually learn to become patient, present, centered, humble… calm… insightful. What we give to others we also give to ourselves. Imagine if more people on the planet learned how to listen to one another?

This year I retire from my position as Manager for the Conflict Resolution Center of the diverse City of Bellevue, Washington where I’ve trained a few thousand volunteers, city employees, and community members in the art of listening. Those seeds will continue to sprout after I am gone. Now I am taking my satchel of listening seeds and boxes of Listening Cards out into the world. 

So, like Johnny Appleseed, I have taken to the countryside sowing seeds of listening, continuing to adapt my teaching to the specific needs of the students, wherever they may be. I have taught people from all over, across cultures and borders and dinner tables. Laughter, tears, recognition, and appreciation sparks all around the room/Zoom among strangers; friendships, community, and shared wisdom abounds. Invite me to teach, to listen.